Lester's Apartment and then MHA #16 - Very, very early Sunday morning

[itsananomaly]

It was time to go home. Cutter had thought this day would never come and he had definitely thought it would be under different circumstances. He was trying to feel happy, he was going home with Connor, they were going to be teaching again … it turned out that they had only missed two weeks in Fandom instead of the six they’d been gone and Cutter wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He tried to focus on the positive, that he and Connor could leave. James had given them the written list of what they had to do, everyone’s numbers were written down and now they just had to say goodbye to the team and Becker would drive them to their portal site to return to Fandom. Going home was a good thing. Their bags were packed, they hadn’t brought a lot of things with them so they didn’t have much to carry but it felt …weird with all this uncertainty, Cutter didn’t even know if he would ever come back to the team and that terrified him. [the final part. For Connor. To be continued in the comments. As of this post Cutter and Connor have returned to Fandom.]

Connor(itsananomaly)	Connor was a bundle of nervous energy an conflicting emotions right then. On one hand, he was thrilled to be going home and to leave the hospital and the recovery and what had happened farther behind him and get back to Fandom and where he felt comfortable. On the other hand, he was worried about what would happen when they got back to the island and tried to settle bak in what would happen with their class they had to teach and what would happen with them, if he was honest. But he tried to focus on the positive things and keep his mind on the good things that were waiting for them when they got back home. It was a cool morning when their day finally came. Their bags were packed, their medical papers in order, and they had everything they needed to keep in touch with the team. "Just got the confirmation for the time and location of our portal back home" he said simply as he looked at his phone as it pinged. "All we have to do now is meet with the team and.... say goodbye, for now" he made sure to add that last bit because he didn't like the idea of saying goodbye and wanted to believe that someday they would be back to see the team.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter took a deep breath, everything was so close now and he was trying to keep that anxious, nervous feeling at bay as he fidgeted slightly. “Okay that’s …that’s good,” he took a deep breath as he steadied himself, “James said the rest of the team would be by soon,” he said quietly. He wished he could say something else but he was scared to, his thoughts were going at a million miles per minute and they kept leaning back to one outcome and he had to wait til they got back to Fandom …
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor nodded slowly looking over at Cutter, biting his lip slightly. He wanted to ask Cutter how he was, wanted to talk to him, about something, anything, everything... but he figured there would be plenty of time to talk once they were back to Fandom. They were out on the patio waiting for Lester and the team to get there. Becker had been out on patrol, in fact, Connor had caught a glimpse of him talking to one of his men across the way at the far side of the property. Connor knew he was going to miss Abby, Jenny, and Connor. He would even miss Lester. But he thought quietly that he might actually miss Becker most of all. "Hard to believe we're finally going home" Connor said quietly, as much to himself as to Cutter. He had pretty much given up trying to talk to Cutter much, he never seemed too willing to talk lately. And Connor was trying to give him his space.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	“I …it will be good, going back to Fandom,” Cutter said softly, finding the silence that had lapsed too much to bear, he knew he should get used to it but at the same time he was terrified … “I …it …” he really had no idea what to say, he couldn’t even bring himself to talk about the class that he and Connor were going to be running … “I’ll …I’ll miss the team,” he finally tried.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	"I'll miss the team too" Connor said simply. "But we can always come back to visit. Maybe... maybe during one of the semester breaks. And... they could always come to Fandom for a visit sometime" he tried hopefully. He wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye but he was trying to focus on the next time they could possibly get together. It was better than thinking it would be the last time he would see them for a while. Connor needed to know they were going to see them again. He had to keep that hope alive.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter nodded numbly, "we can do that," he agreed, "maybe ... maybe at parents weekend they could visit like when James and my Connor did?" he said tiredly, glancing up at Connor tentatively at that ... even if he didn't think he was ever going to go back in the field again, it didn't seem right to stop Connor from seeing the team, they had all really bonded these last few weeks and even if ... He had to try and make those visits possible, it was the least he could do for Connor.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor was about to say something when a familiar looking car pulled up and Lester got out. A moment later another car pulled up and Connor watched as Jenny, Abby, and Cutter's Connor got out. He couldn't help but smile softly as he saw them. He wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye but he was happy they got to see them again before they left for Fandom.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter watched nervously as he saw everyone get out of their respective cars, he was nervous about saying goodbye … about what his future with Connor was and just about everything really … He took a deep breath, “I guess we should go say goodbye?” he asked quietly.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor nodded and hesitated a moment as he stood up from where he had been sitting. He looked at Cutter and then gave a small smile as he put a hand on his shoulder and nodded. "Aye, let's go see them" he said with a nod. Connor left his hand on Cutter's shoulder for a moment, then let it fall away as he started walking toward the team, giving a wave as Abby smiled and waved at them.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter stared sadly at that hand on his shoulder … wishing things could go back to how they had been, before he had ruined everything and opened his mouth and ... He couldn’t change it, no matter how many times he wished he had done things differently and with a little nod, he trailed after Connor, trying to muster up some enthusiasm for saying goodbye. Jenny reached him first and he found himself being pulled into a hug, “take care of yourself Nick,” she said softly, “and if you ever need me for anything, whether your just want to talk, you can,” she told him, she looked over at Connor, “and so can you Connor, you both have my numbers, I’ll always be a phone call away,” she promised.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	"Thank you Jenny" Connor said as he gave her a hug. "I... I'll try to check in now and then" he promised. He reluctantly let go of Jenny, feeling his eyes start to burn slightly as he blinked hard trying to clear the tears away. And when Cutter's Connor walked over next Connor couldn't help but give a small smirk. It would always be a bit odd hanging out with another version of himself... but that didn't mean he was getting away without a hug. Cutter's Connor held out a hand and Connor took it then pulled him into a hug. "Make sure Lester doesn't get too bored while we are gonE ok?" he asked with a small laugh as he hugged Connor.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter found himself being hugged by Abby next, "take care of yourself Cutter," she told him softly, "and what Jenny said goes for me as well, if you either you or Connor ever want to talk ... please reach out," she said as she gave him a gentle hug. "Thank you Abby," Cutter said softly, he wasn't sure how often he was going to check but he knew that he had to at least try and keep up that contact, "I'll ... I'll do the same, I'll try and check in," The lump in his throat started to grow and it was taking all of his self control to not start breaking down and crying.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	After Connor finished the hug he turned to Abby and smiled as she threw her arms around him and held him tightly. "We'll be alright Abby... I'll keep in touch as often as I can" he said as he blinked back the tears. "And you can call or text any time you want too- would be great to hear form you or anyone else on the team anytime." Connor gave Abby a gentle squeeze and tried to keep his breathing calm and even, knowing if he lost control of that the sobbing would likely start.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter was rather hesitant with his Connor but it wasn't long before Connor, as if he sensing the potential awkwardness drew his one time professor in for a hug. "Please look after yourself," he told him, the worry clearly there, "and please check in, just to let us know you're doing okay ... " he looked back over at Connor, the silent plea to watch out for Cutter there, "you don't have to be alone, you've got all of us supporting you," Cutter could only nod and he found himself blinking back tears as he clung tightly to Connor and then he couldn't help it, a small sob escaped.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor gave a small nod at that look, he understood and he resolved once again that no matter what happened, he would do everything he could to make sure Cutter was ok. Abby reluctantly let go and stepped back, wiping away a stray tear of her own as she did. Connor's gaze fell on Lester then and he hesitated, not knowing exactly how to say goodbye to the man who was not just their boss but who had become so much more to them over the last few weeks. Connor stood there, shifting a bit awkwardly, waiting for Lester to make the first move, not wanting to overstep.
Lester(thearcfamily)	Lester understood the hesitation, he was never good with these kind of interactions but the last few weeks had changed the team dynamic and he felt even closer to the team ... there was still that gap but everything had changed and he was going to make sure that his team knew that he was looking out for them. "Well Connor, you and Nick managed to get through the two weeks without destroying my apartment," he said with a slight smile, pay no attention to those tears that had started to form in his eyes, it was just allergies .. totally allergies. "And it goes without saying that you both can call me anytime, anything you need while you're at Fandom and its yours," he promised and then there was a moment's hesitation before he leaned over and gave Connor a hug.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Totally allergies... really seemed to be bothering Connor too all of a sudden. Connor's response to the hug was immediate and he returned the hug, doing his best to not ruin another one of Lester's jackets with his tears. "Thank you Lester... for... everything. We... I couldn't have done this without you. I... I'm gonna miss those milkshakes that's for sure" he said with a small grin and laugh that turned into a half sob as he slowly let go of Lester. "I'll... take care of Nick" he said softly. "Don't worry."
Lester(thearcfamily)	"Thank you," Lester said softly as he hugged Connor, blinking back those tears, he had been worried about how withdrawn Nick had seemed, especially since the other day but he knew that Connor would look out for Nick as well. "and make sure you take care of yourself as well okay?" he said softly, "you can reach out to me, it doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is, I will take your call," There was a pause, "and you're welcome Connor, I was happy to do this for you and Nick ... to help you with your recovery and I'll always be there to help you, it doesn't stop just because I'm no longer legally your carer," he paused again, "next next time you're in London milkshakes are on me," he promised as a few tears started to fall, he had pretty much expected that this jacket was going to be ruined by the time they got through all the goodbyes.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor nodded and stepped back, hesitating for a moment before going to the last person he had to say goodbye to. It was funny how the person who he knew the least in some ways was also possibly the person he was going to miss the most. Connor waited for a moment, trying to get his emotions under control before going to say goodbye to Becker. He watched Cutter closely as Lester walked over to him, the concern still there as he looked at his boyfriend worriedly.
Lester(thearcfamily)	Cutter was nervous saying goodbye to Lester - they had grown close these last few weeks and Cutter had grown used to having Lester be around and he was going to miss him. “Take care of yourself Nick,” Lester said softly, “please, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything,” he knew the odds of Cutter reaching out and asking for help was slim but he hoped that having Cutter know that he had all this support with the team that he didn’t have to be alone. Cutter nodded, “thank you James, for everything,” and there was a moments hesitation before he reached over and gave Lester a hug. Lester returned the hug, giving that assurance that Nick would always have support and he wasn’t going to be alone, he was worried about Nick … especially with how withdrawn and distant he had been but he was hoping that the move back to Fandom and change of scenery would be what he would need. After a while Lester stepped back and Cutter found himself waiting to say goodbye to Becker, he waited for Connor to say his goodbyes, he was really going to miss Becker.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor met Becker's gaze as he walked over and felt new tears start to burn in his eyes. The next thing he knew, he had his arms around Becker as he hugged him tightly. "I... I..." Connor didn't know how to put what he felt into words, really. "Thank you Becker for... for everything. I... wouldn't be here without you." Connor buried his head into Becker's shoulder as the tears started to fall again. "Glad to be here to help, Connor" Becker said gently as he returned the hug. "You and Nick" here Becker looked over at Cutter for a moment "have made me feel more like part of the team than anyone. And I am going to miss you both. Make sure you keep in touch ok? Lester's keeping me in charge of monitoring your progress as you adjust back to Fandom. So anything you need, anytime, you call me ok?" Connor nodded against Becker's shoulder and slowly lifted his head. "I'll.. definitely keep in touch. Thank you, Becker... for everything." Connor smiled through the tears and finally let go of Becker, wiping the tears away with the back of his glove.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter trembled, feeling the tears start to flow more freely now at that, "I'll ... I'll keep in touch," he promised, as he watched Becker and Connor say goodbye and then when Connor stepped away from his hug, Cutter moved in to give Becker a hug, "thank you ... for everything ... just thank you," he couldn't stop the tears now and he let out a sob.
Becker(thearcfamily)	"Any time Nick, it's been a honor to be part of the team with you all. Thank you for letting me be part of the family." Becker smiled softly as he gave Cutter a hug. "And you call if you need anything ok? Anything at all."
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter was quiet for a few moments as he sobbed softly, clinging to Becker in that hug, "I will," he said softly, sniffing a bit as he tried to stop the tears from falling, "I'll ... I'll call," he said softly. "I'm sorry about your shirt again," he said softly, it seemed that he was always going to end up ruining one of Becker's shirts.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor watched as he kept trying to wipe away the tears. He was so conflicted. Going home was amazing and was what he had been fighting for all this time. But now, he wasn't sure what that life in Fandom was going to look like. He didn't know what was going to happen with Cutter. And that all terrified him. "We'll keep in touch, I promise" Connor said as he looked around at everyone. "And... We'll try to come visit when we can" he said hopefully. He had to believe this wasn't good bye for good. He'd see them all again soon. He just had to.
Becker(thearcfamily)	"Don't worry about the shirt, Nick" Becker said with a fond smile. "I've had much worse. And it will be fine after a quick laundry." He looked at Nick and then Connor with a somewhat sad expression as he considered the men he had grown especially close to since he joined the group. "Make sure you do. That's a order, both of you" Becker said with a grin. "You guys are so important to us. We can't wait to hear how things are back in Fandom once you get settled in." Becker really hoped the next update from them would be a good one.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter nodded, trying to wipe away those tears, he had thought it would be much different circumstances coming back to Fandom and he really hoped things could change but he felt heavy and everything hurt … “Yes sir,” he said with a tired tiny smile as he looked around the team again,feeling overwhelmed by how much support he and Connor did have … He just wished he wasn’t so afraid of the future, “thank you,” he said softly, “for everything…it …I can never repay what you’ve done for us but I …I want you know how much this all means,”
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor looked over at Cutter and gave him a small smile as he reached out to take his hand, waiting a moment before he did to give him a chance to pull away if he didn't want it. "We wouldn't be here without each of you," he said softly as he looked around at the group. "that support means everything. Thank you... I could say that a thousand times and it'll never be enough... but it really does mean the world to me. So, thank you... all of you." Connor tried to bite back the tears and keep his emotions under control as he looked around at the team... his family. He knew he would miss them, terribly, but he also knew he would see them again. He had to make sure of that.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter hesitated and then took that hand, trembling slightly as stood there and looked around the group. “You’re both welcome,” Lester told them gently, “and we mean it when we say we both want you to keep in touch,” he said softly, “our support doesn’t end when you go back to Fandom, we’re here for both of you,” Cutter’s tears started overflowing at that as he stood there crying softly, his team were everything to him …they really were his family and he wished that he did t feel so conflicted about returning to Fandom… They would come back … he promised himself, he would make sure that they could at least visit snd keep in touch.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor nodded, the lump in his throat keeping the words pushed down as he felt the tears run down his face. "I guess this is... goodbye. For now" he added quickly, to convince himself, Nick, and everyone that they would be back. Whether that was in some official capacity or just to visit now and then he didn't know. But as long as he still had this family, Connor knew they would be ok. "We'll let you know how things are back home" he promised. "And I'll call and text when I can. I promise" Connor said as he gave Cutter's hand a squeeze as Becker started talking towards them, ready to take them to their portal.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter took a deep breath, wishing he didn’t feel so nervous …the hand squeeze helped as he said one last final goodbye for the time being and turned towards Becker, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for this but it seemed the time had come to move back to Fandom. He clung as tightly as he could to Connor’s hand, shaking softly as he did …and he let out another sob. He hadn’t thought it would be so hard to say goodbye.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor held Cutter's hand as tightly as he could with the braces and looked over at him with a soft smile. "It's ok Nick, it's going to be alright" Connor said as he turned to follow after Becker. "Alright, bags are in the car, and it won't be a long ride at all to where you said this portal of yours is going to be" Becker said as he opened the door of the car for them.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter nodded, still not able to say anything at first as he turned for one last look up at Lester’s apartment and then carefully got into the car, “thank you Becker,” he said quietly.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor slid into the seat beside Cutter and quietly laid his hand on his boyfriends knee. He didn't know what lay ahead of them or what would happen. But after everything they had been through, everything that had happened, Connor wanted to make sure Cutter was ok. That was all that mattered. Despite everything, the hurt, the pain, the fear, the uncertainty, Connor found his thoughts always going back to Cutter. And as they drove on, leaving the team behind, Connor had to swallow hard to keep down the fear and uncertainty growing in his chest.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter stared down at Connor’s hand on his knee and then awkwardly placed his hand over it. It was getting closer to them heading back to Fandom and now that they had said goodbye to the team, all he could think of was what he planned to tell Connor, he didn’t want to hurt Connor anymore than he already had but he didn’t see any other way that he could do this and Connor would be better off without him. He could still take these last few minutes they had together before Connor would forever hate him.
Connor(anomaly_research_nerd)	Connor sat quietly on the ride, not knowing what to say. And Becker was right, it didn't take long really to get to their destination, though it felt like an eternity. When he felt the car stop and heard Becker shut the engine off the snapped out of the thoughts he had slipped into and looked around. Slowly he moved his hand and slid out of the car, and went to the back to get their bags out. He didn't know what to say to Cutter and was trying to keep the tears at bay, knowing there would be one last round of goodbyes with Becker now. But they were almost home. That was a good thing. They could rest, talk, deal with things. It was going to be ok. Connor just had to keep telling himself that.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter trembled as the return to Fandom got that slightly more closely and then he took a deep breath as he got out of the car. He wished things were going to be different but he knew after they got back they wouldn’t be the same after this and it was going to be all his fault. He took a deep breath as he prepared to say goodbye to Becker one more time before they headed back to Fandom.
Becker(thearcfamily)	Becker got out and helped Connor with the bags as the Portal appeared a few minutes later. He looked at it warily and saw the reassuring nod from Connor, so he figured it was all good, though he was pretty sure he'd not be jumping through any portal or anomaly anytime soon. He helped them with their bags and then stood there and gave them both a lingering look and a fond smile as he tried to prepare himself for this last goodbye. "You two take care of yourselves you hear?" he said as he looked from Nick to Connor.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter nodded and then let out another sob, he couldn’t stop those tears from overflowing as he stepped in and gave Becker a hug, “thank you,” he sobbed, “thank you for everything, we couldn’t have gotten here without you,” Both literally and figuratively as it turned out.
Becker(thearcfamily)	Becker returned the hug with a firm one of his own. He gave Cutter's shoulder a squeeze as he finally let go. "Keep in touch ok? We are always here for you. And I am just a phone call away, day or night." Becker then turned his attention to Connor and gave the younger man a smile as he reached out and pulled him closer and into a hug.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter nodded and sobbed, stepping back to let Connor be able to say goodbye to Becker. “I will,” he said softly, “I’ll…I’ll keep in touch,” he promised.
Connor(itsananomaly)	Connor let himself be pulled into the hug and he returned the hug as well as he chocked back a sob. He was ready to go home but he hated the thought of not seeing Becker and the team. They had become such a constant, reliable presence and support. Connor knew he was going to miss them. "You take care of yourself," Becker said as he leaned closer to whisper "and take care of Nick. I know you will both get through this." Connor nodded at first unable to speak as he swallowed down the sob that threatened to bubble up. "I... I will. I promise" he said softly as he reluctantly pulled away and tried to give Becker a reassuring grin through the tears that were starting to fall.
Becker(thearcfamily)	Becker nodded as he stepped back and looked at them a moment. "There's just one more thing, before you go." Becker reached into his pocket and pulled out something silver and shiny. He held up a small, simple chain with a dog tag hanging from it. He held one out to Cutter and then one to Connor. On one side was engraved "Anomaly Research Center Member" and on the other was their name. "It's a tradition among my team that whenever someone has to take a leave, for whatever reason, they get a special dog tag to keep them connected to the team until they are able to return." Becker looked at them, and he was most definitely not crying as he said those words, there just had to be a lot of pollen getting kicked up by the portal.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter opened his mouth to try and say something but found that he couldn’t, he stared at the chain in his hand as the tears threatened to overwhelm him again and then he was leaning forward to give Becker another hug. It took a few goes of gulping and sobbing before he could even form coherent words, “thank you … I … thank you,” there was a lot more that he wanted to say, just how much this did mean to him but he knew that Becker would understand.
Connor(itsananomaly)	Connor also was overwhelmed at first, not sure what to say at first. A moment later he was throwing his arms around Becker at the same time Cutter was, hugging him tightly, sniffing back a sob. "Becker... I... thank you... thank you..." he said, not knowing what else to say but hoping Becker knew just how much it did mean to him.
Becker(thearcfamily)	Becker returned the hugs and held onto them tightly, one arm around each of them. "You will always be part of the team. You will always have a place here. Don't forget that." He kept the hug going for a moment and then slowly let go and stepped back, wiping at his eyes as he did. He then gave them a nod and a smile as he fought to keep the tears back. "We'll talk soon" he said simply as he stood there and watched them take that final step in their journey home.
Connor(itsananomaly)	Connor nodded as he stood there, slipping the dog tags on over his head. He gave one last look over his shoulder at Becker then to Cutter and gave a small smile. Then he turned and walked toward the portal, stepping through and trusting, hoping, that Nick would be following right behind him.
Cutter(itsananomaly)	Cutter took a deep breath, with trembling fingers he slipped the dog tags over his neck as well and then picked up his bags, with one last nod towards Becker, he headed towards the portal and back to Fandom and an uncertain future.

Comments

[anomaly_research_nerd]

How long he stood there, Connor didnt know. But eventually, he backed away from the door, staring at it a moment before slowly turning and walking the short yet oh-so-massive feeling space between Cutter's door and his. He opened the door to his flat and glanced over his shoulder against the still-closed door.

The next thing he knew, his door was closed behind him. Somehow he made it to the bedroom before he collapsed onto the bed. He trembled as a sob caught in his throat and he slammed his fist down on the mattress as the tears started to fall again. He barely even registered the throbbing in his hand as he did.

He had screwed this all up....

[itsananomaly]

Cutter stayed where he was, his back to the door and didn't move from where he had slumped to the floor.

He kept sobbing, his heart aching ... he wanted nothing more than to get up and go and chase after Connor to beg his forgiveness but he was so tired, everything hurt and in the end he just stayed where he was.