MHA #16 - Saturday Afternoon

[itsananomaly]

The last several hours had been a lot with Captain Ryan turning up and he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it but talking to Ryan had helped.

After a while, Ryan had taken one look at Cutter’s kitchen and had decided to go into town to fully stock up and he had said he was going to cook Cutter a home cooked meal. His old apartment may have been a mess but the one thing he did know outside of the military was how to cook. So taking Lester’s credit card, which Cutter was honestly still surprised that he hadn’t been cut off from after Becker’s birthday trip. Maybe James was waiting til he was back at the ARC before he started yelling about that trip.

Cutter was not expecting any other visitors, he had thought that maybe Stephen would visit but so far there seemed to be no sign of him so he took that to mean that only Ryan was his visitor. Which was fine, really, it was probably for the best if he didn’t have a visit from Stephen, there were a lot of unresolved issues and the visit would have just been really awkward.

In the meantime, as he waited for Ryan to come back, he decided to start thinking about his future at the ARC, he had promised Ryan he would give it serious thought and he knew that whatever decision he made he would need to talk to Connor about it but he could start to seriously consider whether or not he wanted to return to the ARC in an official capacity either as the team leader or a research assistant.

{for a visitor but can be open!]

Comments

[itsananomaly]

"Oh he still likes the lecturing," Cutter laughed as well, "but believe it or not he has actually calmed down somewhat, he's ... I would actually consider James to be a good friend now," he said fondly at that.

[thearcfamily]

"Ok then this definitely has to be an alternate timeline or something!" Stephen said with a laugh. "Guess I should be glad that it is huh? I get to be here like this after all."

Stephen fell silent for a moment then then looked at Cutter. "I... I a glad I can be here... I just.... I just wish there was a way I could make it up to you... really make amends for... for everything I did to you. I was a terrible friend so many times and I... I know I cant ever make up for it. But I am sorry Nick."

[itsananomaly]

"You being here and visiting is more than enough and you also sacrificed yourself for me, I don't think you have any more amending to do after that," Cutter said softly, "I ... I was angry with you for a long time and I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't want to see me but now ... now I know it wasn't just me hurting, that you were hurting as well and I'm also sorry about how things turned out between us,"

[thearcfamily]

"We both were just a couple of blithering bloody idiots" Stephen said with a sad smile. "Both messed up, let the emotions get in the way, and were too stubborn to try and see things any other way."

Stephen reached over and with a slight hesitation put a hand on Cutter's shoulder and pulled him close into a hug. "At least we got this time now... right here... to make up for some of that lost time. Time we never had before. I'd consider that a gift and a sign that we're gonna be alright in the long run."

[itsananomaly]

Cutter gratefully returned that, "I'm glad that we got this chance to talk, I'm sorry that I never took the chance when ..." he bit his lip, "when I had the chance to ..." he said finally, not quite willing to say when Stephen was still alive.

"I will always cherish what we had," Cutter said softly, he knew accepting his past relationships for what they were and acknowledging them, were a bit part of him being able to move on.

[thearcfamily]

"As will I, Nick" Stephen said as he slowly pulled back a little but kept his arms around him lightly. "I will always be glad for what we have, I will always remember that time we had together." He gave a small, somewhat sad smile. "I... I might have started looking for something from you when Helen disappeared just to fill that gap. But... I quickly found myself genuinely falling for you... enjoying being with you... loving you. And Im sorry for... for my part in letting that die out. But regardless... I always cherished that time we had... and I always will."

[itsananomaly]

Cutter bit his lip, he could feel tears starting to build at that and his nodded, "I loved you too," he said softly, "it ... I was happy with you, with what we had and I ... I'm sorry that I never tried to reach out or try and communicate with you how I was feeling, I ... I should have done more, I ... I don't blame you for our relationship falling apart,"

[thearcfamily]

"We both messed up and made bad choices" Stephen said simply. "But I don't put the blame on either of us for it ultimately ending. That was Helen. She never handled rejection well... and if she couldn't have us to herself, she seemed determined to make sure what we had didn't last either." Stephen gave a small dry laugh and shook his head. "Typical Helen, twisting and manipulating to get her way in the end. I'm just sorry it too me till that very end to realize what had happened." The smile turned a bit wider as Stpehen looked at Cutter. "I'm glad you have Connor here. You shouldn't be alone. Im glad you have someone watching out for you."

[itsananomaly]

The tears were spilling over now, "I ..." Cutter tried to return that smile but he couldn't ... he made such a mess of everything, he had let Helen get into his head and ruin everything good that he had going for him, "I ... " he stood there, unable to stop the tears, "I messed everything up ...again,"

He realised that was basically confirming that he and Connor had been together but talking through his relationship with Stephen and his failings there, was bringing everything to the surface.

[thearcfamily]

And whether or not Stephen made that connection or realized the unspoken confession, he made no indication. "If things are messed up... if mistakes have been made.... you at least have the chance to make it right this time." Stephen gave Cutter a small smile. "Maybe.... maybe that is why I was allowed to come back? To remind you that your story isn't done? That you still have the chance to write what happens next? And if that's the case... then I am glad and thankful for that." Stephen gently pulled Cutter back into the hug at that.

[itsananomaly]

"I don't know if I can, I ... I was completely selfish and I don't know if my actions can be forgiven," Cutter sobbed as Stephen pulled him into the hug, "I ... I'm trying to work through it but I ... I miss how things used to be and I don't know if we can ever get to that again,"

[thearcfamily]

"You both are smart, you will figure it out" Stephen said simply. He had a feeling there was more than just the strong friendship there between Nick and this version of Connor. But it wasn't his place to bring it up and if Cutter wasn't going to mention he wasn't going to either.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter closed his eyes as he tried to stop his tears but couldn't, "what if I don't?" he said softly, "what if I just mess things up again ...like I always do,"

[thearcfamily]

"If it happens, then you deal with it and figure things out from there," Stephen said simply. "You cant miss what you got right now because you are worried about tomorrow or what ifs. You will drive yourself mad that way."

[itsananomaly]

Cutter sobbed but he nodded at that, "I guess I'm still scared of the future, with everything being uncertain, not knowing my place at the ARC ... I guess the only thing I can keep doing is moving forward, focus on what I can control,"

[thearcfamily]

Stephen pulled Cutter back into a hug and held him for a moment, rubbing his back lightly as he did. "You have been through more than anyone else could have endured. You will get through this. I have no doubt of that." Stephen gave Cutter a small squeeze as he added "and the Nick Cutter I know is too stubborn to go down without a fight anyways."

[itsananomaly]

Cutter trembled as he leaned in and gratefully returned that hug, tears running down his cheeks as he held tightly on to Stephen, "thank you," he whispered softly, "I ... I'm going to get through this, I'm going to work on this ... you being here has helped me so much already," he sobbed.

[thearcfamily]

"Then that alone has made this visit worth it" Stehen said as he kept the hug going for a while longer. "So..." he said when he finally broke the hug and sat back on the couch and looked at Cutter. Why don't you tell me a bit about what its like here in Fandom. I get the feeling that there's a level of oddness here that would even rival the ARC" he said with a small grin. He knew there was a lot that was going on and all, but Getting Cutter to focus on happier topics would probably be good for him right then considering.

[itsananomaly]

"You have no idea," Cutter said softly with a grin as they sat back down on the couch and then as they settled down he began to talk about everything about Fandom and describing some of the more weirder things to happen to him since he had moved to Fandom.